Feeling Green

So it's colder outside and I'm lamenting the absence of gardening activity. The morning glory vine is truly sad looking, the impatients are leggy and everything is looking wintery. I love living in Texas which provides an actual changing of seasons even if it does go from 85 to 55 in the course of one hour. It's just hard to see the back yard go from lush to SKELETOR. Very sad.

What that means is all the plants come indoors. So in the course of coming through the front door to stepping into the living room you've already passed 5 plants and you can see at least four more. I choose to surround myself in green. This either means I have a green thumb or I truly can't stand to not garden...even if it does mean just keeping plants alive indoors. Sometimes, since I'm fanatical about it, I just sit and look at the way the sunlight hits an ivy at a certain time of the day. There is an obsession about keeping things alive. I'll cut the plants down and watch to see what they do with their new growth.

As I was cutting a couple of closet plants back today I felt great guilt. Here they are killing themselves to thrive and I'm hacking away. They look naked but I have to get all that old growth off. Surely they can't do well in this dry manmade heat with all of last year's growth. Sometimes we all have to start fresh and see where we can go...just see how far we can go with a new outlook. It may be a new job, a new promise to be healthy or a renewed passion for our spirituality. At first we look naked and vulnerable...all our shoots sticking out...not pretty

Today, in preparation for the new year...think about what needs to be cut down and given a fresh opportunity for growth.

Boxing Life's Ears!

Being a woman is not easy...let me tell you! What's with the emotional rollercoaster anyway?! One day, feeling great...next day I want to box someone's ears. As I wait in expectation for God's peace (on any given day) I experience dispair, then some peace, then some anger, then some peace, then some time of questioning, then some more peace. The one consistent thing is that the experiences of peace increase in degree each time it comes to me. Isn't that consistent with faith in God anyhow? The experience isn't "no faith and trust in God one day and then suddenly WHAMMO! we have faith and trust in God for the rest of our lives'. The road seems a little more up and down to me...like peaks and valleys. I guess I would be faking spirituality if I pronounced my faith life as 'having arrived'.

In the meantime I'm feeling like this little cat. PEW PEW PEW...boxing life's ears and being allowed to be angry sometimes...yep! I'll give it about 2 more hours then I'm done with it for the day.

Thanksgiving List

Can it really be here already?!?!? Is it really Thanksgiving? Should I be looking for "the Great Pumpkin"? No wait, that's Halloween and that's already over so I guess it really is here...Thanksgiving weekend. Making my Thanksgiving list is like making my list for Santa...I actually have to write it all down so that on Thanksgiving night after all the leftovers are safely tucked into the fridge and everyone has refused their last piece of pie, I can hunker down into my cot in the cabin and start my private bedtime prayers. Hmmm... should I list my topics of thanks alphabetically or in the order they happened? okay, seriously...this is starting to sound trite!

I really do have this thing about doing some prayer in private at least once a day. I know that prayer is powerful in the sanctuary among 800 other people on a Sunday morning but boy...do I look forward to that time of private conversation with God...the One who really knows what I'm thinking even if I did put on my best face during the day.

If you read my last post you know I'm already giving thanks for those who are surrounding us. But I made an addition to my list today after my surgery. Number 22...Thank you for the peace you never fail to bestow upon me. " I don't know why I'm always surprised by God's continuous delivery of peace. Today, peace came to us swiftly and we actually had a renewing and peaceful day while recovering. I think that if we can all set apart a time each day to actually LISTEN to God, that peace and wholeness would come to us every day in every situation. I guess it always has to do with whether or not we're listening...being still...and nothing to do with whether or not God is hearing us. Number 23...Lord, help me to remember Number 22.

Sad News

This week we received some very sad news thus my lack of blog entries. Alvaro and I learned a few weeks ago that we were pregnant...a blessing we have been praying for for years. On Friday, we learned that we've miscarried. I believe everyone can understand that we have felt let down, sometimes enraged and confused. However, with the love, prayers and genuine empathy, we are learning to maybe not understand yet but to believe that we will be able to try again and perhaps still have a child. thank you to everyone in our lives who love us and have embraced us with their loving care. Perhaps some time next year we will be able to tell you all that we are carrying a healthy baby. In the meantime, we look to this Thanksgiving weekend to be with family and to give thanks for our friends, our marraige and future we have together. All our lives are a mysteries aren't they? It's a mystery how we endure loss, sadness and what sometimes seems like events that should crush us. God allows us to feel all those things that we humans feel and gives us the freedom to work through things honestly and with faith in whatever form it takes. I wish for all of you to have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday in which you take a moment to give thanks for your lives even in the midst of what hurts. blessing to you all.

Southern Shower

Today at 3:00 p.m., fifteen ladies will descend upon my home to celebrate the impending arrival of my niece Gabriella Cabal, daughter of my brother and sister-in-law, Ciro and Lilly Cabal. Many of you know of the wonderful Latino influence I gained in marrying my husband and all the wonderful Colombian traditions and celebrations I get to experience. But today...Lilly will experience an old fashioned, pinkie lifting, Southern lady, game playing, baby shower! I've had more fun putting it all together and now await the arrival of Lilly and her friends when we will get this party started.

It's interesting how for years women have gathered to give advise, tell stories, remember their mother's and grandmother's stories and generally help a new mother prepare for the birth of her own child. It is a tradition in all cultures. The new mother may have fear of the birth...of caring for a newborn...of knowing how to discipline her child. But there are always those who have gone before to lead the new mother and make her path easier. God will lead Lilly through these women as I know she is open and ready for God's guidance. Love to you and Ciro as we all celebrate the coming of Gabriella in January.

Confirmation Rocks!

Okay, so when I was in Confirmation I didn't think it rocked. In the Lutheran church, Confirmation lasts for two years, one hour every Wednesday night. Sunday school was a seperate lesson. We learned Luther's Small Catechism, memorized the words and meanings of all the creeds and were pretty much prepped for seminary if that was the direction one wanted to go...

This past Sunday I had the honor of leading the FUMC Dallas Confirmation class in United Methodist Heritage. At first those kids were characteristically squirrley and thinking they were going to eat my lunch! But man, are they sharp! I enjoyed that hour more than most in leading Sunday school classes. We discussed our heritage of grace given to us as a free gift of God. We talked about John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist movement, and his understanding of service, study and spirituality. We discussed how our family heritage and our faith heritage sometime go hand in hand. Most importantly, I think, we talked about what Confirmation actually means to them. When I asked that question, one boy said it means that when I'm confirmed, I become a full member of the church. And the truth is, on their day of confirmation, they get to choose for their very own selves whether or not they want to be a member of the church. For all their years previous, they've been brought to church by their parents, been taught by their parents and leaders here at the church and for the most part been told what their faith is all about. But at the end of confirmation they get to say, "I am a Christian not only because my mom and dad said I am...but because I myself chose to be".

That is a very powerful moment in the lives of our youth as they become mature in their faith and realize and use the gift of free will that God has blessed them with. They are on their way and I'm so blessed to have had that hour with them.

Heaven as a reward?

If you grew up Christian, you were most likely taught that Heaven is your reward for believing in Jesus Christ, doing God's work and living a life that Christ would live. That message is everywhere, including scripture. But I always had an issue with it. When I was little I never received an allowance like my friends. I think that at our house there was no belief in getting a reward for what you should have been doing in the first place. Clean your room...here's a buck...what!?!? If I needed money for a movie with a neighbor kid or to buy a birthday present for a friend's party, I would just ask and get money for that event. So when I thought about heaven as a reward, it didn't make sense to me either...it just didn't follow.

When I think about 'doing the right thing' or trying to live my life as Christ would have me live it, I still don't really think about my 'reward'. Actually, I'm already receiving a reward now...in this life, as I experience the peace of trying to keep my life in order or in learning more about the kingdom of God through study and prayer. What is our motivation is serving God and God's purpose anyway. So we can get a prize like at a Halloween festival?...if you throw the fake fishing line over the sheet just right you get a pack of Sweedish Fish on the end of your clothes pin? It just doesn't seem right. It seems to me like we should be serving God in complete response to what Christ has done for us and in response to that pure love we experience. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to the mystery of 'heaven' being revealed to us all. But Heaven as a Reward??? Makes my faith journey seem less than genuine if I'm acting like it's all about me and what I get for my efforts. My prayer everyday is that I'm looking beyond myself toward the needs and wants of others and in doing that am serving God for the sole reason that I should be doing that anyway...not for my reward.