I've often heard theologians, social analysts and just simply insightful people talk about how our society is a "ME" society. We girls are raised to believe we are princesses and very very special and boys are taught from day one that they are strong and can do anything. We are given love, yes, but we are often also given the nasty gift of a sense of entitlement by the very people who love us most...our parents. I don't think anyone is aware this is happening when they are doting on children in this way. We all ended up with this attribute to one degree or another. Children are told that they deserve a phone or a car or an allowance before they've earned it. For years and years we're just given stuff! for no reason except that we're vewy vewy special. Free gifts are wonderful and I'm certainly not indicating that I think no one should get anything out of simple love and care. Good grief...how could I get that whole 'grace' thing if I didn't. But my concern is this. How many years of 'you-are-wonderful-and-you-deserve-everything-you-want' does it take before we end up believing it. As teens we think we should have everything. As adults we get disappointed if the job doesn't come through even though we've worked as hard as we could. And as people of faith, we even start getting grumpy when God doesn't seem to be coming through on something we've been asking for. It's all the same. We think we deserve what we think we want. Well, I have a revelation for myself today (actually I have to remind myself of this about once a week) IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU HONEY! This big world is full of wonder and I've realized (again) that I'm a small part of it. I was also reminded to find my joy in it NO MATTER WHAT. As many of you know, I'm not saying to be one of those sacrine happy people in your faith. I'm not saying to walk around with your smile and singing that God will get me through when you're just not feeling it. Struggle, shake your fist, get mad, pray, figure it out. Take a while to do it. But through it all is a sense of God's love, patience and certain knowledge that growth is taking place.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
What do you mean, NO!?!?
I've often heard theologians, social analysts and just simply insightful people talk about how our society is a "ME" society. We girls are raised to believe we are princesses and very very special and boys are taught from day one that they are strong and can do anything. We are given love, yes, but we are often also given the nasty gift of a sense of entitlement by the very people who love us most...our parents. I don't think anyone is aware this is happening when they are doting on children in this way. We all ended up with this attribute to one degree or another. Children are told that they deserve a phone or a car or an allowance before they've earned it. For years and years we're just given stuff! for no reason except that we're vewy vewy special. Free gifts are wonderful and I'm certainly not indicating that I think no one should get anything out of simple love and care. Good grief...how could I get that whole 'grace' thing if I didn't. But my concern is this. How many years of 'you-are-wonderful-and-you-deserve-everything-you-want' does it take before we end up believing it. As teens we think we should have everything. As adults we get disappointed if the job doesn't come through even though we've worked as hard as we could. And as people of faith, we even start getting grumpy when God doesn't seem to be coming through on something we've been asking for. It's all the same. We think we deserve what we think we want. Well, I have a revelation for myself today (actually I have to remind myself of this about once a week) IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU HONEY! This big world is full of wonder and I've realized (again) that I'm a small part of it. I was also reminded to find my joy in it NO MATTER WHAT. As many of you know, I'm not saying to be one of those sacrine happy people in your faith. I'm not saying to walk around with your smile and singing that God will get me through when you're just not feeling it. Struggle, shake your fist, get mad, pray, figure it out. Take a while to do it. But through it all is a sense of God's love, patience and certain knowledge that growth is taking place.
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4 comments:
This applies not only to the material things in life but also to the emotional things in life.
It is perfectly healthy to have inner-speak like "I deserve to be loved." and "I am a worthwhile person who many people would enjoy if they knew me." However, self-entitlement sometimes changes these statements. "You have to do what I say if you love me," and "If you love me you would not argue with me."
Self-entitlement is fine in emotions and self-image, but not when it invalidates and takes away from the self-image and healthy self-respect they have.
It is a very fine line.
At this time in our economy this makes even more sense. I came out of college many years ago thinking that getting a job would be easy and just because I had a degree I would have the doors opened for me. Now, being self-entitled and feeling special could still mean that there is a rude shock coming up when you are rejected my one employer after the other. Also having this 'you-are-wonderful-and-you-deserve-everything-you-want' attitude when you are interviewing can sabotage that process and actually prevent more job offers than anything else.
I just see these people having a lot of pain in their immediate future until as you put it they say "It's not all about you honey!"
Wow! I hadn't thought that all the way through. That's fantastic insight. I know I've been in job interviews where even before I sat down in front of my potential boss I thought, "I'm so going to get this!" I was always told, "You're so great with people!" That was my sabotage. I internalized it so much that I actually walked around thinking that everyone was thinking that about me. That gift of humbleness is some great gift I'll tell ya! :)
Learning to deal with failure is a very important life lesson. Knowing you have self worth even in defeat helps take away that entitled feeling that one deserves to always be the winner. Sports helps to teach this. Two teams go into the game looking forward to the adoration that comes with winning; one team gets it and the other matures in their self image. We baseball fanatics know that if you fail as a batter 70% of the time, you are still a winner.
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