Snapshots

I have a collection of negatives of photos from my mother's childhood. This one is my mom, her brother and my grandmother. I look through these negatives and have had some developed and love looking at them. I love to study them and imagine what they were thinking. Imagine what their lives were like then. Since I wasn't there I can only fill in the blanks as I listen to stories and attempt to put the whole story together. There are favorite stories that are told over and over. I have favorites like why all the Christmas photos are taken on the front porch complete with the Christmas tree having been dragged onto the porch with all the gifts...no flash on the camera. Another favorite is why in the world my mother and uncle would spend hours in the cow trough braving yellow jackets and thirsty cows...just to stay cool in the brutal summer months of Texas. Even with all the family stories and photos, I still only have a part of the story.
This Christmas I'm listening intently to the stories of Christ and wonder again...what don't we know? When I read scripture and study what it could mean for my life I keep in mind that I only have a snapshot of the whole picture. I can't possibly walk around saying that I know everything God's intends while I only have a little bit of it in front me. It's natural for me to look at the negatives in my collection and try to fill in with own thoughts. But they are only guesses. It's the same with scripture...we cannot put our own words and beliefs into the story just because it sounds nice. I would even go so far as to say that there are many of us who look at those moments in time and make them into something they are not. In the photo above it looks like a nice moment of a happy mom with her two children just standing in the yard. But what about grandma's thoughts. Is she thinking about the fence that still needs to be mended or about the watermelon crop that didn't make?
My revelation today is that I must not always take scripture at face value. We must allow for possibilities that are bigger than our brains as we study scripture learn what they mean for us individually.

What are you waiting for?

Just now I realized I had been sitting at my desk without one single stretch for 2 and a half hours and decided to get up for some coffee and a little break. I walked into the sanctuary just to think a bit and was glad to see the lights were off...well I thought they were off. As I passed through the doors I saw that the Christmas trees and the garland hanging from the balconey were lit. I was immediate drawn in and walked over to admire one of the trees. At first I stood back to see the whole tree. Then I walked closer too se the stiching on the ornaments. Then for no reason at all I put my face right next to the tree. Actually, I put my face IN the tree. The only thing in my vision was light, garland and symbols of Christ. I was immediately immersed in the hope and forward looking that the Advent season brings. We wait. We prepare. We imagine the peace that the love of Christ brings. We are many times distracted during this season as we prepare for guests, buy gifts for those we love and work in a frenzy to get everything done "on time". Take a moment to stick your face into something that blocks all that out. Take a moment to think of what you're waiting for means to you.

Highlights!

The first time I was introduced to the word 'highlights' I was sitting in the dr.'s office waiting for a shot I had to get before I would be allowed into Kindergarten. I sat there practically hating my mother for making me get a shot so imagine my growing calm as I found a magazine that was most surely published just for me for just that moment. Highlights magazine became the only good thing about going to the dr...seeing if there was a new issue so I could freshly mar the pages with mom's pen. I couldn't wait to connect the dots, find the objects hidden in pictures and learn how to grow a bean in a day.

The second time I notice the word 'highlight' a teacher asked me to tell everyone what the 'highlight' of my summer was. I realized immediately that 'highlight' equals 'the best part'. Just like the best part of the dr.'s office was the magazine (not the sucker) What was the highlight---the thing worth mentioning more than anything else.

Now in our church staff meetings each Tuesday we 'highlight' upcoming church programs. We make sure everything that has the possibility of impacting church members and visitors in a positive way, happens. We highlight the event so that the experience is meaningful and memorable for everyone involved. And I can't get through that part of the staff agenda without thinking about connecting the dots, finding the hidden meanings and how we might help grow new relationships. Highlights...not just for the young anymore :)

The Treacherous Path

Often we hear of staying clear of the treacherous path. We are told that we sin and then we are on the treacherous path. Temptation, the direction of sinfullness...the bad way. Today I wondered about being IN the treacherous path. What if I'm just walking along and I see the treacherous path from a distance? I'm not necessarily a part of the treacherous path but I can see it....over there...in progress. Today I'm thinking about being on the curb of that path, seeing it in progress and then making the decision to stay AWAY...to not 'step in'. That path is in sight and I can decide whether or not to step into it or step away. People spreading their hate, people talking about things that don't involve them...a path that moves like a rushing 6-lane city highway. It can only be dangerous. Make the decision today to turn around and stay out of that path.

Daydreaming

I just realized I haven't blogged in a bit. Apparently I've been distracted...for how long I'm not sure. Oh well, here I am and I had a thought so I'd better get writing!

During the summertime, I tend to get distracted. I'm always distracted BY the same things and FROM the same things. Things that distract me are sunshine, playing outside, grilling, daydreaming, bird watching and napping. Things I'm distracted FROM are work, running errands, housework and spiritual study. It's like my brain is on a summer vacation for way longer than I've been allowed by my employer. This summer has been especially difficult and I'm wondering how I'm going to get back on track. I'm also wondering if I'm the only one experiencing this distraction. I mostly get concerned about the distraction from spiritual study. I haven't picked up a biblical commentary or study in two months. But I have been talking to God about what fun I'm having this summer. Amazement at God's creation as birds swoop through the yard and earthworms nourish and break up the ground. I'm wondering if maybe it's okay to take a little break, be a little distracted and experience the childlike side of spirituality for an extended period of time...just letting myself experience God rather than chasing God through paragraphs in a book. Just my thought for the day.

The (Right) Stuff I'm talkin' bout

July 20, 1969, man walks on the moon. I'm happy to report that I was only one year old and don't remember this amazing moment in our nation's history. But for some reason I've always been intrigued by the story. In high school, my favorite movie was The Right Stuff. I decided that year that I would marry Ed Harris or Dennis Quaid...whichever asked me first. I watched this movie and was amazed mostly by the rigorous physical trials these individuals endured in order to be chosen to be on the team of those worthy enough to participate in the space program. I also fell in true love with Sam Shepherd as Chuck Yeager. What a man! He had all the ability and guts it took to excell over the highly book educated candidates but was never even a contender because of his lack of higher education.

We all know different personalities of Christians and other religions for that matter. We know those who have really big theology brains...those who have studied, dialoged and commentaried on every theological concept imaginable. I fell deep into that well in college. I mistook heady theology for spirituality. Then we know those who are all experience...all emotion...and never seem to sober up long enough to 'think'; decern for themselves what scripture says and how it will be applied to our own life. I think of how in The Right Stuff, there should have been a candidate who was the perfect combination of Chuck Yeager and the college boys. One who had the heart AND the brain in perfect alignment. I wonder if that's what we strive for in our relationship with God and in our practice of growing spiritually....that most healthy and worthy combination of heart and brain.

Big Red

We spent last week with my parents between Sequin and Gonzales. Of course that meant a dip in the Guadalupe EVERY day. Ever since I was 7 and my sister was born we have made many trips to our pecan farm and now our parents live only 3 miles away. We did everything we always do...make our daily pilgrimage to the river loaded down with our plastic chairs, water and towells. You have to go slow in the summer because 1, it's hot. But we also have to keep an eye out for critters...snakes, ants and other creations of God I can't explain. When we were little the biggest treat of all was for Dad to take us to Goss'. Goss has a convenience store that looks like something out of Hee Haw. There was always fly paper hanging from the ceiling, there is no 'actual' door but a sliding piece of tin that was shoved aside during business hours. After crossing the threshold we knew the way to the soda water cooler. I'd lift the lid and fish around till I found what we wanted. A glass bottle of Big Red. We turn around avoiding the hound dog laying just behind us and walk over to the little window inside where Goss was sitting waiting to take our money. Goss always wore a cowboy hat and we knew he was there when we saw that old Caddy with the horns on the hood. There is nothing better on a hot Texas day than that red suggary concoction. This past week, Dad took us and we bought it again...against the better judgement of two grown up girls. Mr. Goss died last year but the store is still there still making the best Bar-B-Que chicken on Saturdays...go early, they run out early. Here's to childhood memories and great sisters.

My new bicycle

In 1974, Santa brought me a bicycle. The frame came from my grandmother's barn. My uncle rescued it from the snake pit, primed it and painted it purple. Mom purchased a white wicker basket for the handle bars, a banana seat with daisies on it from the Western Auto along with some new tires for my uncle to install. On Christmas morning, it was standing in front of the Christmas tree all gleeming and beautiful. In my Christmas stocking was the final touch...rainbow streamers to stick into those rubber thingies at the end of the handle bars. What a gift! What a showstopper that bike was. I never thought I'd be more excited to receive a gift than I was that day when I was 6.

On Saturday of this past weekend, I was amazed again at the joy of a new bike. Except this time, it was a REALLY NEW bike. Yesterday as I was listening to The Stones sing, "She's A Rainbow" and completing my first big outing, I realized the stupid grin on my face and decided I didn't care who saw me. The feeling of riding that bike really fast all on my own was so freeing and so exciting that I've decided I'm going again! ...as soon as my hiney recovers from yesterday. What other simple gifts are there? Where else am I missing the joy that should be so plain? That bike and the effect it has on me now forces me to look...look hard...for more simple joys.

The loss of a girlhood heroine...

It's Summer 1977 or 1978 in Pasadena, Texas. Kim Kelley, Melissa Padgett and myself are scrounging around the bayou near our neighborhood. We brought a bucket so we can pick wild dewberries...mom said she'd make a pie if we came home with enough but we always ate most of them as we picked them. When the berries ran out or we got bored with that...it was time to do what we really went down there to do - play Charlie's Angels! The terrain was perfect. In the Summer, the water running in the bayou was just a trickle so none of parents were concerned about us drowning. Just a lot of interesting sand piles at the top of the bayou and a bridge over the water made out of whatever we found. So we'd come up with a senario and decide what our mission would be. There were three of us so of course the only decision remaining was...who got to be Farrah! Melissa had dark hair and a haircut almost exactly like Sabrina's (Kate Jackson) so she didn't really have a choice - it was a given that she couldn't be Jill! So it always came down to Kim and me. After a few episodes of Charlie's Angels as filmed at the bayou we finally decided to take turns being Jill and the other Kelly. Many daring jumps across the 'raging river' and numerous shimmies across that elevated pipe that carried God knows what made for an adventure that I bet not many little girls have today. Gone are the days when parents can let their little girls hang out for hours near a construction site, let them explore a new house being built or play important women of the small screen fighting crime and eating berries.
Thanks Farrah for inspiring in me a sense of adventure and imagination!

What do you mean, NO!?!?

I've often heard theologians, social analysts and just simply insightful people talk about how our society is a "ME" society. We girls are raised to believe we are princesses and very very special and boys are taught from day one that they are strong and can do anything. We are given love, yes, but we are often also given the nasty gift of a sense of entitlement by the very people who love us most...our parents. I don't think anyone is aware this is happening when they are doting on children in this way. We all ended up with this attribute to one degree or another. Children are told that they deserve a phone or a car or an allowance before they've earned it. For years and years we're just given stuff! for no reason except that we're vewy vewy special. Free gifts are wonderful and I'm certainly not indicating that I think no one should get anything out of simple love and care. Good grief...how could I get that whole 'grace' thing if I didn't. But my concern is this. How many years of 'you-are-wonderful-and-you-deserve-everything-you-want' does it take before we end up believing it. As teens we think we should have everything. As adults we get disappointed if the job doesn't come through even though we've worked as hard as we could. And as people of faith, we even start getting grumpy when God doesn't seem to be coming through on something we've been asking for. It's all the same. We think we deserve what we think we want. Well, I have a revelation for myself today (actually I have to remind myself of this about once a week) IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU HONEY! This big world is full of wonder and I've realized (again) that I'm a small part of it. I was also reminded to find my joy in it NO MATTER WHAT. As many of you know, I'm not saying to be one of those sacrine happy people in your faith. I'm not saying to walk around with your smile and singing that God will get me through when you're just not feeling it. Struggle, shake your fist, get mad, pray, figure it out. Take a while to do it. But through it all is a sense of God's love, patience and certain knowledge that growth is taking place.

Solitude in a crowd

After walking from Arlington National Cemetery and across the Potomac, we finally reached the Lincoln Memorial. I was hot and sweaty and my feet were killing me but I had just enough energy to climb the steps so I could see the massive statue of Abraham Lincoln sitting on his throne. I shot into the shade, snapped the photo of Abe and got out of there...I just couldn't stand the heat and stillness of the air in there. My only want at that moment was to find a place where the air was moving and the sun wasn't glaring. I found this place by venturing out of the crowd. About 15 steps away and around the side of the memorial I unfolded my map of the city, sat on it and kicked off my flip flops. Finally, I was finding solitude...finding rest. In that moment, I started looking around. I decided that looking out onto the Mall was expected...so I decided to look up. And I was overwhelmed by the sky, the columns of the structure I was sitting on and the moment in the continuous history of that place. I thought of everything that has happened on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I wonder if anyone ever sat where I was sitting during of those historical moments. Anyway, I was reminded to look for and experience something other than the expected. That's easy when you're on vacation so I'm challenging myself to do that once I get home tomorrow. I'm going to start looking at things from a different angle. I'm going to try to remember to see things from another perspective...from a different point of view.

A meaningful moment

At the Vietnam War Memorial, I had an interesting experience. As I was making the rubbing of my father's name, a group of young people asked me how I knew where my dad's name is on the expansive memorial. I explained about the book of names and the list of the death dates on the back of the piece of paper I was using for the rubbing. This simple question quickly turned into a list of questions :) I'm no expert on this memorial - when it was completed, the artist, etc. But I learned from these fellow tourists that there is still an interest in the people who experienced loss as a result of the Vietnam War. They wanted to know how old I was when my dad died. They wanted to know about my mom and what she did after that. They wanted to know about my grandparents and what there views were on the war after they lost my dad. They wanted to know if I am angry. We continued to visit for about 10 more minutes. I think we were greatly affected by each other. Imagine...strangers loving each other. What a meaningful thing to happen in the midst of a hallowed place.

The right path

I took this photo today in Cape May, NJ just after I ate a fried clam basket with fries :) This picture is so serene and inviting but I'm feeling a little sheepish about that lunch! Oh well, I'm on vacation and I love fried clams. Harpoon Harry's is just across the street from this path to the beach and as we sat on the porch under an umbrella eating our guilty lunch, we eyed this path knowing without saying anything to each other that we WOULD explore this path. What I have found most interesting about the Jersey Shores is the really great sand, the sparse number of people on them and how extra cold the water is. The air is perfect and I think I could spend an entire week in a beach chair under an umbrella on one of these beaches.
As I walked down this path, I knew that I would once again find an inviting beach. I've been conditioned over the last two days to know what to expect. Beautiful path = beautiful beach. I wonder why I never think about that in my everyday life? I should know by now that when I eat fried anything, I'm going to have that full and unhealthy feeling. When I eat something healthy and fresh, I feel healthy and positive about how I'm treating my body. When I wake up and don't remember to say good morning to God, I feel lost and disconnected. When I start my day with a prayer or a devotion, I feel much more aware of myself and everything around me.
Today, I hope to begin to remember that I already know which path to take for the life result I desire...and then to take that path.

After begging the young man guarding the door to let us into Old North Church in Boston even though it was closing time, we continued on the Freedom Trail toward Paul Revere's House. Behind the church we found an amazing court yard with lots of cobblestone, fountains and an Iraq and Afghanistan War memorial? You are looking at me through a wall of dog tags. I don't know who erected this memorial or who is keeping it up but it had lots of flowers and a dog tag to represent each of our soldiers who has lost their life in these two wars. Amazing how everyone stopped and became suddenly silent as they took in the number of pieces of metal hanging there. As we all stood there, a gentle breeze came and made the most beautiful tinkling chime sound I've ever heard.

First Night in Boston

We arrived in Boston about 6:15 and after getting our rental car, drove to the hotel, dropped our stuff and set out on foot. We were in search of Legal Seafood which was recommended to us by a friend of Alvaro's. Now I've never liked any kind of soup with something fishy in it but I was determined to try the famous clam chowder in Boston. I'm now a fan!!! What a yummy thing. For my supper I had blackened ahi tuna and Alvaro had a big ol lobster.

It's 8:15 a.m. on the 7th and we're off to find some breakfast and then the Freedom Trail, Old North Church and the USS Constitution. We're also going to tour Harvard and of course find some yummy lunch :) We having a wonderful time together and making lots of great new memories. Love to everyone.

Time off

We're flying into Boston where we will stay two nights before we rent a car and take a week to drive to Washington DC. I've never been to Boston or anywhere else in New England and it has been years since I've visited DC. So this is a very exciting trip for me. We don't leave for the airport for a few more hours so I'm having time to relax, have my coffee and think about the days ahead.

In addition to Boston Commons, Old North Church and the Freedom Trail, I'm also very interested in Club Passim where we're going to hear some live music. One of the best places to get a sense of people is to hear the music being played and the art being created. I've heard great things about this venue. I'll keep everyone updated throughout the week regarding interesting things we see, hear and do and of course...I'll volunteer my impressions. Today, and especially during these difficult financial times, I am thankful that we have jobs and thankful that we have time to leave our surroundings for a week and experience our world outside and experience each other in a relaxed state. Vacation, Here We Come!!!

Decisions Decisions.....

I would like to discuss what this picture represents. I opened the pantry door just now to throw something away. I looked up and was shocked to see that we have what I believe to be TOO MUCH CEREAL!!! In case you don't see it well enough, there are 11 boxes of cereal on that shelf! I know for certain that I bought only one of those boxes although I nibble from all of them...but that's not what I wanna talk about.

Why would a household need this many different kinds of cereal? There are only two of us. I'm a Special K or Shredded Wheat kind of girl and my husband likes stuff with nuts and fruit in it. I worry that this plethera of choices indicates something about us that I don't like. Are we one of those couples who has too much stuff? Outside of the cereal shelf we don't seem to represent that couple. Maybe we can't decide what we like and we just keep trying to find what we're looking for. Maybe one of us is paranoid that we're going to run out. Maybe we're pack rats. Maybe we're expecting a lot of company I don't know about. Or maybe we keep thinking there's going to be a prize in the next box we buy.

Whatever it is, having this much cereal really makes me laugh. Oh wait, he's getting some right now..."hey, that sounds good, get me a bowl"

Do me a favor God...

It seems recently that I've been hearing lots of people asking God for favors. Some people call it prayer but it just sounds like a bunch of 'gimme what I want' to me. Prayer has always been the most confusing part of the spritual aspect of my life. I run far and fast when people advise me that if I just have enough faith my prayers will be answered. That's comfortable theology when it seems like everything is going my way but how do you work that out when what you think you want doesn't happen. Did you backslide or something and God isn't smiling on your that day??? I don't believe in a conditional God so that one doesn't work out for me. In recent years I've been observing that the only thing I know for sure is that God will never abandon me. What I pray for is peace, the ability to allow God to guide me and for God to give me strength in whatever my situation is. I like to think of God as my friend manafest in Jesus Christ but I don't believe God is in my life so God can grant me favors. Seems a little familiar to me. I ask my earthly friends for favors.
I don't know...apparently I need to pray for more understanding of the nature of prayer.

Happy Breakfast

Recently, I had breakfast at The Original Pancake House with friends. There is something about being on a little vacation that makes me want to eat breakfast out...and I don't play around with that breakfast. I don't order oatmeal or fruit or yoghurt. It's coffee, eggs and bacon the whole way! My friend Mark cleaned his plate and was informed by the waitress that because he cleaned his place it was going to be a great day. I didn't quite clean my plate but I made a little happy face so I could also have a great day. Throughout the rest of the day, Mark commented that our breakfast waitress was the best waitress he's ever met. She truly was cheery and helpful. I'm sure her elevated status was due to the fact that our coffee cups were never more than half empty. Whatever the reason, thank you sweet waitress for starting our day off on such an up-beat.

Thank you

I'm out of town and haven't had time to post to my blog but I have a quick minute now. And what I'm thinking about is Memorial Day. This weekend is a great time off, a moment to take a break from our work and the marker of the beginning of the summer. But remember to take a moment to remember our fallen men and women of the military. No matter your feelings regarding our involvement in past or current wars, please think of the individuals who have laid down their lives doing what they felt called to do. I also think today of the families who have lost loved ones and I say an extra little prayer for them as well. It's a time of celebration and remembrance.

Driving Under the Influence

On Friday I drove west to North Richland Hills to have dinner with my cousins. That's always fun because Craig can grill some pork chops and I like me some pork chops. Friday is my day off so I always love to just do things at my own pace. I always know what I want and need to fit into my Friday but there is no particular order and normally no one is waiting for me to arrive at a certain time...anywhere. Pure bliss! So as I left NRH after supper I pointed my car east and drove. I didn't have anywhere to be but I knew I wasn't really ready to go home. My husband was out of town and I felt like being 'out'...just driving around. To be honest, I felt like driving for a really long time. I think I could have just followed that sun into the West until I couldn't see it anymore. I felt full of thought and just kept getting more and more amazed at how God seemed to be hypnotizing me with that sun. It turned everything a color that I can't describe. All the buildings, the grass...the very air, seemed to be ablaze. Anyway, I finally decided to go home and was glad I took extra time getting there. What a silent and personal gift of peace that short drive was.

New Growth

A sweet friend reminded that that I should post a photo of the fish basket once I got the plant in there. Here it is...ground cover in the bottom with verigated impatients in the top. It looks so funny that I love it all the more. I'll be out planting some more today till the rain comes...Ahhh, Saturdays.

A Treacherous Path

You are looking at the entrance to one of my favorite places. Blackacre (my apologies for my aparent inability to quit thinking about it). As an adult this cattle guard makes my heart pound as I know I'm about to start a weekend or if I'm lucky, a whole week of experiencing God and nature. But as a child, this threshold made my heart beat in panic. All I had to do was walk across the cattle guard and the fun and excitement would begin. But wait! First we have to think of all the scary stuff that could happen while making that short journey. My tennis shoe could slip and I could get my leg caught in there. Or there could be a snake coiled up underneath just waiting to spring up and bite my ankle. Or one of those pipes could role and I'd be on my back even closer to the snake! yipe! Even now, as an adult...I sometimes get that weird knot in my belly when I walk across. But even with all the possibilities of harm that could befall me during that journey, nothing could stop me from making it. I know the promised experience is worth the risk.

There are so many things we can all become. There are many wonderful relationship offered us. So many opportunities for growth as God calls to reach out and love people Are we willing to take the risks along the way? The risk getting our feelings hurt? The risk of being rejected? I'm often worried people will think I'm strange when I'm compelled to talk to strangers in the grocery store. It's funny to watch the face of a young kid about to sack your groceries after you've spoken to him/her in a kind and genuine way. That kid probably thinks I'm a freak but later may feel good that someone actually wondered how his day went. Totally worth the risk!

I'll have the Fish Basket

I found this 'thing' hanging on the wall of the shed where we keep the tractor at our farm. I had no idea what it was but I was sure that some kind of ground cover should planted in the bottom so it can spread out and hang through the little holes and that a flowering plant is just screaming to sit in the top section. So I asked my dad what it would have been used for in it's previous life. I'm not a fisherwoman so I would never have known that it most likely hung off the side of someone's boat...in the water...and that once caught, fish would be stored in there till the end of a day of fishing. In the divider part in the middle there is a spring door through which you stuff the fish so they can swim out. It's a trap.

Since it seemed like no one wanted or needed it anymore, I decided to make it mine. Rather than it hanging around doing nothing and having ceased to be needed, it will now have a new life as entertainment for me. Now I just wait for someone to come to my house and see it with plants stuck in there so they can ask, "What is that thing?" I love to think that even though it was made to be a trap, the tendrils of a plants will free themselves and be all they can be.

I hear many people talk of Sin as a trap...one that they don't understand how to get out of. I say that Sin will never not be a part of our lives but that we can thrive and grow in spite of it! What a lovely rusty reminder :)

Dad's Pocketknife

Today I heard Earl Pitts on KHYI Dallas talking about how to find a 'real man'. "It's very simple", he said, "You simply ask a guy if you can borrow his pocketknife. If he reaches into his front pants pocket and produces a pocketknife, you've found yourself a real man".

During the entire commentary I thought of my dad and his pocketknife. He's always carried one for purposes that seem to be endless. My dad is an expert with that thing. He can remove a thorn or a splinter from my finger with his pocketknife. He can get that last piece of pecan out of the shell...wasting none of it. He can sharpen a pencil or make a referrence mark on a fencepost. He can remove a small branch from a sappling one moment and then slice off a piece of apple the next...of course he stabs the piece of apple and eats it right off the knife. When other families are preparring a meal of cold cuts and are fumbling and fighting that little plastic thing under the cap on a brand new squeeze bottle of mustard...my dad is reaching in that front pocket, opening the pocketknife and removing that blasted obstruction. I've had stray strings removed from the hem of my skirt on Easter morning with that pocketknife. He's saved many a cow from eating that poison weed that grows on the banks of the Guadelupe by cutting them down and throwing them in the river. He removes paint can lids, trims off the extra length on the cats' flea collar or just sits quietly contemplating life while he cleans under his fingernails...the man just takes care of stuff.

It is a special sound when he reaches for that pocketknife...one of my favorite sounds. The sound of change, some spare nails and other random hardware and that pocketknife getting swished around in there. He reaches out for me to hand him whatever I can't open, gets the lid off, then hands it back to me...handle first. That's a Real Man.

Golf Fan

I'll do my very best to relate my rant to Lent today but honestly, it's not looking good. I'm just having one of those "Really?" moments.

Let's start with making a list of outdoor sports that require a fan. Not a "Woo Hoo, I'm a Packer Fan!" kind of fan...I'm talking about an actual fan used to cool off the sportsperson. Okay, here we go...let's see...there's the football field. You know, the one that has the water spraying through it? So after the player has run a 80 yard touchdown in 90 degree weather he doesn't keel over. Can't remember if I've ever seen once on the baseball field but it's possible...and there is probably one on the soccer field as well. All needed as all those sports are quite strenuous. But now I come to the sport that could not exist without the use of a giant mondo fan to keep it's participants nice and comfy...GOLF! Here's what I saw just before my hand slapped to my forehead and I yelled, "What the....!!!"

While on a Sunday afternoon drive through Highland Park, my husband said he wanted to show me something. He knew I would be highly amused. As always, he knows me oh so well. I had the biggest laugh over this fan on it's pretty little grassy green just waiting for the temperature to climb so it can perform it's needed duty. I was thinking maybe I should get one of these monsters in my front yard so that when I'm working outside in the sun, in July, in 98 degrees with dirt on my face, I could still be cool as a cucumber. Why be uncomfortable...ever? Good grief people! Yep, I failed at the Lent/Golf Fan connection. Maybe next time.

Easter Basket

Today, I was in a strange pull between my Lenten concentration and the stores' understanding of Easter. Agh!!! Commercialization! Yes, I'm deep in my Lenten journey but then, in a moment of fluffy, pink, blue and other pastel abominations I was in shoulder deep amidst 'Easter'. I'm not ready for that celebration. I'm still in the journey!!! But as I sauntered (that's what we do in Texas)...as I sauntered through the Michaels looking for items for a church luncheon...there they were...gazing at me... Bunnies, eggs, baskets, fake grass...Dang it! I couldn't help but think of my niece and how fun it would be to give her an Easter basket full of goodies. At first, I just let my eyes skim over the baskets. None of them measure up to my Easter basket, the one I've had forever, but they were pretty. Then I looked at the fake grass. I have an issue with plastic grass since the grass in my basket is made of paper. So I didn't look at that plastic grass and I surely didn't buy any! Then, finding that the basket had made it's way into my cart I thought, awe, what the heck, and walked over to the little Easter gifts. Before I knew it, there was a nice little Easter backet for a 15 month old taking shape. May I say it is lovely. There is no candy, no sidewalk chalk and no Peeps. (I get the Peeps...although I'm not allowed to eat them till Easter morn.) So here is my revelation. I can plan for what is to come in the midst of my journey. I can be in the zone of self examination at the same time I'm embracing the joy of the moment of the resurrection. As we continue our journey, we do so with the joy of the life we live in Christ. Now!!!

The Lutheran in me...

We made FUMC Dallas our church home in June of 2004 and I have been on the church staff since 2001. Before that that I was a church shopper/hopper. I was raised in the ELCA Lutheran tradition and I claimed that identity well! (still wear my Luther's rose). I was baptized in the Lutheran church, was active in the youth group and eventually attended Lutheran colleges. Heck, I even sampled the Scandinavian side of Lutheran life and learned how to make Lefse and eat Ludefisk. (That last thing should only have been on a dare! bluchchch) As I was looking at my Lenten study this morning I was thinking about how darn good I am at doing Lent. It's amazing really. As I considered the requirement of laying all the trash out there for God to see I saw that I'm making quite an amazing display of my garbage. I've done this enough times to know that this is only a growth experience if I remember God's love for me or else I'd flog myself silly in the tradition of Luther before he fully grasped the concept of Grace...which he then developed into an amazing understanding of God's love. The founder of the Methodist movement, John Wesley, was highly impressed with Luther's writings and theology and the theme of God's Grace is tightly woven into the traidition of which I am now a part. Thanks Martin for giving me the closest interpretation I have to understanding how much God loves me.

Unknown Caller

Today, I woke knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I got home late yesterday and couldn't do this thing. And yesterday was the first day to do it. So this morning I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth and put my hair in a ponytail and fired up the Escape. Since it was rush hour and the regular neighborhood traffic was hopping, I slyly took the back route through less traveled avenues. With a determined face I didn't stop for coffee. I didn't need to stop at the ATM. As I arrived at my destination, I took the keys from the ignition, opened the car door and felt a peaceful smile spread over my face as I entered the Best Buy. I recognized it right away as I've been anticipating the new U2 CD "No Line on the Horizon". The sweetness of this moment was only enhanced as I reached into my wallet and produced a Best Buy gift card.

The song I will highlight is about us not listening to God. During this Lenten season, it is being clearly communicated to me that I hardly ever listen to God. Unknow Caller:

Sunshine, Sunshine,

Sunshine, sunshine

Oh, Oh

Oh, Oh

I was lost between the midnight and the dawning

in a place of no consequence or company

3:33 when the numbers fell off the clock face

Speed dialing with no signal at all

Go, shout it out, rise up

Oh, Oh

Escape yourself, and gravity

Hear me, cease to speak that I may speak

Shush now

Oh Oh

Force quit and move to trash

I was right there at the top of the bottom

On the edge of the known universe where I wanted to be

I had driven to the scene of the accident

And I sat there waiting for me

Restart and re-boot yourself

You're free to go

Oh Oh

Shout for joy if you get the chance

Password, you enter here, right now

Oh, Oh

You know your name so punch it in

Here me, cease to speak that I may speak

Shush now

Oh Oh

Then don't move or say a thing

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. The day that marks the beginning of the Lenten Season. At 7:30 p.m. I will get the ashes on my forehead which will be the external sign of the internal reality that I am striving toward humility in God's midst. The forty days on the Lenten calendar are representative of the time that Christ spent in the desert being tempted by the devil. The culmination of these forty days is the celebration of the week of Easter that starts on Palm Sunday and ends on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter. During the forty days of Lent, through Holy Saturday, it was tradition for Christians to observe a fast—not completely abstaining from eating and drinking, but limiting the kinds of food and drink as well as the number of meals.The tradition of fasting dates back to the early Middle Ages, when examples of acceptable foods were fish, bread, and fowl, and when the consumption of alcohol was for the most part banned during the fast. Nowadays, people who choose to observe the fast are much less restricted in their choice of foods, and fasting is mostly about being modest and showing humility and restraint in one’s eating habits. For some this means giving up chocolate (agh horrors!) or meat or coffee or what ever you should really eat less of anyway...really more of a resolution than a sacrifice. Giving up something for Lent isn't a get-skinny-in-time-for-Spring-Break thing...it's a concentration on Christ's journey and a very private mental communion with God. I have friends who always ask what I'm giving up for Lent...just like they ask me about my New Year's resolutions. I always lie and say I haven't given anything up or that I haven't decided. For me, it's a very private thing...somehow just not for conversation.
However you decide to concentrate on this time make it meaningful. It may not be giving anything up at all. It may be a Lenten book study or intense moments of prayer in a private place. Make it a time to explore your relationship with God and ask some really tough questions of yourself. Am I putting my faith into action by serving others? Am I being quiet and really listening to God's answers to my concerns? Am I really working to make those changes in myself that I've been wanting to change? Let these next 40 days be pure communion with God.

My day won't be ruined if you stop talking

..that's right! I'm feeling cranky because I can't shake mean people's affect on me. I've been allowing others' inability to communicate kindly to affect my mood and allowing them to control my day. What's is going to take? A run around the block? Do I need to throw something?...no wait, that's just another manifestation of my not being able to shake it off. It's a good thing I'm preparring for Lent today. Perhaps this is my last hurrah. Some people celebrate Mardi Gras by going out and sin like they're Lutherans or something and get all their sillies out before the contemplative season of Lent. Apparently I'm going to throw a big pitty fit before I get in touch with my understanding of meditative peace and supplication before God. (There, that's better. Seems that typing that sentence has done the trick). So now I'm going to be quiet.

To satisfy your real hunger - Come to a Soul Feast

I'm not one of those people who easily goes to a group workshop on spirituality...don't wanna have to be in front of people when I'm working on closeness to God because I'm probably going to tear up and get emotional. But here is a day that I can't miss! Saturday, February 28th is a day that I will dedicate to learning more about how to commune with God...in a meaningful way. I don't know about you but I find so many obstacles in my life that strive to keep me from prayer, meditation and just simple 'time' with God. The result is I start to feel alone, lost and kind of empty when looking for strength to handle even the smallest hurdle. I started reading Soul Feast by Marjorie Thompson and I'm already feeling the benefits. Yesterday, I sat outside and read scripture and was spoken to in a new and refreshing way and I'm looking forward to a day dedicated to investing again in a life with true communion with God. Go here if you would like to register and attend as well. http://www.firstchurchdallas.org/ministries_adults_workshop.htm. You don't have to read to the book to attend. Just come hang out with me and we'll discover something new together.

What I really want for Valentine's Day

I'm not one of those girls...you know...the one who gets really bend out of shape if she doesn't get what society describes as an 'appropriate' gift for Valentine's Day. Maybe that's easy for me to say since my honey always remembers to lovingly send me a beautiful arrangement. I'm also not big on diamonds or chocolates in a box shaped like a heart. So this year is no different for me when all I want is Time. I want time with my husband. That might mean dinner but I don't care if dinner is at a restaurant or at home. I just want that moment when we concentrate on nothing but our decision to be together. I also think it's important to remember that Valentine's Day doesn't only celebrate romantic love but the love we have for everyone. When I was writing notes to our visitors yesterday I was compelled...no...emotionally forced to put a little heart sticker on every envelope. What a dork right? Maybe not. But I like to think that the love God showers on all of us should be celebrated as well. As I know you're not shocked that I put stickers on all my correspondance please be equally unshocked that Valentine's Day for me is also a celebration of humanity and my moment of concentration on the dream of everyone loving each other. Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!!!!!

Runner's Random Act

At 7:55 this morning I found myself where I always find myself at about that time...at the corner of MacKinney and Avenue of Champions in Valley Ranch waiting for the light to turn green. We've lived in this neighborhood for 6 years and I've never waited at that light for less than 6 minutes. It just seems to freeze as the line of cars behind me grows and grows. My dad was a municiple engineer and once told me that some traffic lights work on timers and others on sensors...so I of course I've even tried the 'inching forward and backing up' manuver to trip that sensor and make the light change. Now I've given up and know I will use that time for sipping my coffee spill free and apply my lipstick.

Today, as I was approaching the dreaded intersection, I saw a man running on the sidewalk. I thought things like, "Good for you buddy, wish I had that motivation" and "I wonder why HE isn't sitting here waiting to get to work?" Then I thought about how he was going to have to interrupt his stride and wait for the dang light just like the rest of us saps. Just then he took a turn to the right to run along MacArthur and whacked that silver crossing signal thingy as he ran by it. That light turned within 10 seconds and we all made it through. I believe that nothing will make me smile me more...ever...on my morning commute. He didn't look back, he didn't stop...he just hit the button for all of us. Thanks man.

A bird's life

We have a row of oleanders on the side of our fence and there must be at least 100 sparrows in there chirping, flitting and taking turns at the bird bath just inside the back yard. I like to sit at the table on the patio and watch and listen. I wonder what they're talking about? Once it gets close to Spring, everyone starts building their nests. They like to come to my wreath on the front door to choose the perfect pieces for their new homes. I've lost a wheat wreath and another dried wreath to these little construction workers. Now my wreath is made of fake berries and cast iron stars. This morning I even saw my first robin...that groundhog doesn't know what he's talking about! I think all the time about what birds think and how they communicate. I wonder if when they're all grown up if they fly by the tree or bush where they were born and tell their friends..."hey, that's where I grew up". How far from their homes do they actually go in their lifetimes? And what do they think about me sitting back there watching them all the time? They don't seem to mind cuz they keep living there. I always make sure they have plenty of yummy snacks and lots of clean water. This year I'm going to install some little basket in the space between the porch cover and the beam that my porch swing is hung from. Maybe a dove will make it's nest there and I will get to watch their little family grow. This ends my Wednesday morning off rantings :)

Is it Spring?

Sunshine, birds chirping, my husband grilling...isn't it still winter? As I prepared a few snacks for our little Superbowl Party (we always just like to do our own...just us :), I was simply amazed at the way that it really seems like Spring. Now I know that we who live in Texas get this stuff...23 one day with a quarter inch of ice on the roads and then 75 the next day. But this time we had two days of Spring in a row and its the first day of February. I believe that sometimes we all need a little reminder of what is to come only if it's for a couple of days. When we experience a winter, when everything seems gray...we have to take comfort in the glimpses of Spring.

What I Saw Today

I have a journal that is entitled "What I Saw Today". It's a log of things that impress me...both good and bad. Things that I think may affect my mood, my way of thinking, my faith and to mark the history I see in my lifetime. Here are the entries I made today: a mass of diverse humanity, a cold sunny day, people filled with hope and love, a woman delivering a billiant poem, a church staff watching the TV in silence and awe, Yo Yo Ma and Pearlman on the same stage (anyone...please take me to see these two men perform their music), a man who has a clear view of Christ's love.

Today at 11:00 a.m. I was privilaged to have a job where I could stop and watch the inauguration of our new president. I thought about him and his wife and the task before them. What I saw is the grace and wisdom of a very young couple who are moving forward with an understanding of Christ's message that I wish everyone had. The poetry, the music and finally President Obama's speech drove home the way this country will move forward and become again the true beacon that it was meant to be...a country that has changed in the way we look, feel, have faith and live our lives. I heard someone say recently that when, and only when, with the love of Christ, we can see ourselves in our brother and sister, will we have the ability to truly love, respect and live with each other. Not just in our own country but in the world community. We must all understand this and practice it. No matter your political leaning, we must all agree that Love is the answer. It isn't just a idealogical song, its a way of living.

God made pajamas...proof of a loving God!

I would never want to indicate that I'm prone to sloth. Sloth was finally acceptably defined for me by our senior minister, Dr. John Fiedler, as "resting before any work has been done". Because of that definition I now know that before I'm allowed to relax...ever...I must do something productive. Something that I've been needing to do or something that I'm abliged to do. So this past Saturday morning, at 10:30, when I was feeling the want to relax, I started looking around for something productive I was willing to do so that I wouldn't have to lay around and experience the guilt of the sin of sloth. I wasn't willing to dust the house. I couldn't get excited about doing any laundry or clearing some flowerbeds outside. So with all the energy of a slug I dragged myself to the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher, poured myself another cup of coffee and made the perfect decision to stay in my pajamas until lunch!

It's hard to decide when we are guilty of sloth and when we are simply basking in a moment of well-deserved and much needed rest. Sometimes I think we may talk ourselves into believe we're experience the latter just so we don't feel too cruddy about ourselves. I still can't figure out what my Saturday was all about but I did come up with a way to define whether I'm being a sloth or just relaxing.

As I completed the last rotation of my gleeful summersault back onto the couch, I realized that I was so excited about the prospect of resting that it could have only been a gift. There have been other times on the couch when I just felt miserable and bored. First senario=rest, second senario=sloth! Simple as that. When time doing nothing nurtures, that experience is a gift and we must take part in.

So, at the end of your work day (or mid moring on your day off) get back in your pajamas and take complete joy in your gift of rest.